The R word

No one wants to be called a racist. Especially not most racists. I've never been one for PC conversations though and I'm about to start a discussion that will get me into a lot of trouble, because I'm here to tell you, yes you, that you're probably a racist.

See the thing is, us travelers, especially the kind that fall into the backpacker category, allude ourselves into believing we're super open-minded, willing to try and taste everything once. We're not like those OTHER travelers who want to sit inside the protective walls of comfy resorts and enjoy their economic privilege over the local population while having absolutely zero interaction with the society of the country they paid so much money to see. No, we're better. We want to meet people, listen to local music, eat street food.

a street food festival, Thailand

But are we really any better?

I want to talk about the silent racism that I've seen while traveling. The kind that you probably take for granted or don't notice. The kind you probably convince yourself is actually just the way things are, or better still, is just a result of the unfamiliar. This creature rears its ugly head when there are exclusive parties, talk about that side of town you won't go to though you know nothing of it, and that guy that you think is going to be a certain way because he's from country X.

I like to call it, touracist.

spontaneous invites to lunch, Myanmar

I want to talk about "stay away from the locals". Be careful around those people. I want to talk about that bar that tourists won't enter because the only people there all look and dress a certain way, and those girls tourists go after because they decided women from country A must be so-and-so. And the guys the girls stay away from because they're "from here". I want to talk about the assumptions that are made- the people from this country don't know this, don't have that, wouldn't understand, because they are different. And the sites and sounds and top picks that don't include learning about the history and culture of a place but rather luxuriating in the "product" that was customized and caters just to you and your friends.

That deliberate lack of awareness, that passively turned cheek, that allows you to enjoy without ever bothering to understand.

a girl on a balcony in Colombia

Sure, it goes the other way around too. But the locals didn't choose for you to come, you made the choice to be there, so YOU have the responsibility to learn.

I found myself trying to navigate these murky waters.

Never the one to shy from hanging with the crowd- I tend to seek out local watering-holes far more than the pretty view, nor going to the "Wrong side of town"- I'm some times even majestically stupid about this, nor to chase after someone based on their skin colour or accent- neither of these were ever high on my priorities. I nevertheless realized I too was touracist.

I got slapped in the face with a touracist wet towel in a cable car in Medellin, Colombia. I was heading back from one of those "bad sides" of town the locals warned me to stay away from. The only way to get there was via the numerous cable cars that traveled up and down the mountain. We sat within a group of 5 or so strangers, hanging about 20m in the air, and peered at the city below. Two guys sat across from each other speaking English with heavy Colombian accents. I realized they were practicing. They struck up a conversation and asked where we're from and what we're doing in Medellin. One was from the capitol of Bogota, the other from the Western coast. I asked why they were practicing English and each gave his own answer. And at that moment, I hesitated. They were in their early 20's. And I hesitated to ask if they were in university.

children playing, northern India

My thoughts ricocheted... is it presumptive to think that they are studying in school? Higher education is a luxury. How would I feel if someone just assumed I'm doing a PhD? Or that my rent is really just a 1/3 of my salary and have 25 days of vacation a year? What if they don't have the luxury that is so common where I'm from? What if asking will only rub salt in an open wound? I know how that feels.

But what if I don't ask? Aren't I assuming I'm better than them? I'm different than them? I have something they don't? If anything, I've learned that people are the same all over the world. Burmese monks take selfies with iPhones and Amazonian tribal children wear Crocs (ok, but just to clarify I would NEVER wear Crocs), and all over the world everyone knows who Kim Kardashian is. Why shouldn't I assume these guys are in uni? It's probably more accessible here than it is in the states.

But I stayed mum and conversed around the topic like an elephant in a VR room that only I can see.

A few cable cars later, eager to practice with native English speakers, and us eager to learn about local life, we found out that the two were indeed in university. One was doing a master's- and that as I had sort of guessed, a higher education is overall more economically accessible in Colombia than in New York.

And so the gap closed.

While I still hesitated with this question later on in my travels, specifically when it came to studies- I remember one specific situation in Taiwan where I experienced the exact same thing. It turned out the person in question had a degree in business, but like me, would rather be doing other things. The more I traveled and met people from all walks of life, the more I realized that almost everything is a Kim Kardashian. Our customs and traditions, our cultures, our philosophies may differ, but with enough listening eventually all of the music the world over, sounds similar. and that all the iconic foods the world over seem the same, the pierogi is the won-ton is the ravioli is the empenada, is the samosa. Every society has its minorities and its outcasts, its struggles and its truths, its horrors and its beauty, its dark past and its heroes. young monks and selfies Myanmar

And yet, I witnessed other travelers celebrate their difference, the us and the them, the master and slave, so to speak- if you want to get really pretentious about it- with no qualm. And as I watched some locals get kicked out of a tourist-only party, I wondered what it was all about. Am I the only one that thinks this is fucking uncalled for? Didn't everyone come here for the particular purpose of partying in THIS country (if at all), with the people of THIS country?

Apparently not...

Earlier that week a friend had warned me that a white tourist had been gang raped in the area less than a year ago. and how did I not hear about. I should be careful.

being dressed to attend a wedding, India

I nearly broke Google trying to find the case, but nothing came up. And of course, I was careful. But I'm a female, so I'm naturally careful in the subway in New York, or in the alley in London, or on a streetcar in Berlin, or on the dirt road in Peru. The only place I'm not overtly careful is Japan. Because, on the real, Japan is basically the Fisher-Price of countries. Anyway, It's not conditional. It shouldn't be conditional. It shouldn't end in separation. Because separation means you can't get near the other person. If you cant get near them, you can't know them. And if you don't know them, well, we fear most that which we don't know. Fear leads to hate, and so on and so forth.

new friend, Japan

But I have to add that the touracist in us also comes out where we least expect it. Little do you know it, but when you find yourself particularly wanting to get very very very close to someone because of their race or ethnicity, the touracist bug might be responsible. It's like when you take a math exam and you do the the equation the wrong way but still get the right answer. Well, if you're hunting German girls because you have this conviction that they're all wild in bed, or have yellow fever because you think all Asians must be passive and effeminate, congrats! You've officially passed the touracist exam. Here's a gold star.

Granted, you might appreciate certain cultural values, you might be really unique and not only understand but also enjoy what the British call humour, or have an aversion to smiling and thus adore post-Soviet societies, or dream of having a man who will hold the 2,000$ bag he bought you while you select Korean pastries, or just really enjoy listening to people speaking English with Chinese accents. Honestly I appreciate all of the above. And all of that is good and well because humans cannot avoid categorizing things (anyone who pretends otherwise is deluding themselves with self-righteousness). That's just how our brains are programmed- and that is a scientific truth. But when it becomes radically exclusive to either end of the spectrum and leads us to make decisions based solely on predetermined assumptions, I'm sorry, but you're touracist. And the only way to stop being touracist is to admit it, and change. GO to that side of town, to that local bar, socialize with the people there, learn their story, don't desperately hunt them like a polar bear in the spring, but do get to know who they really are. Give everyone a chance to teach you something you didn't know or didn't think was true.

That Russians do smile, Brits can be shockingly funny, you can definitely be Chinese and also speak prefect English, or French, or freaking Swahili. And that some Korean men will make you pay for your own goddamn cream puff. You woman.

The choux creme in question. Self purchased

But whatever you do, don't go to that destination looking to confirm what you already know.

Go there trying to find out how stupid you are.

I can tell you, I am very very stupid. I'm beyond saving. But if there's anyone who can help me, it's the people I've met who've taught me that no matter how much I learn there is always more. They're all colours of the rainbow, all orientations I can think of, and religions, nationalities and ethnicities I've never even heard of before. They've shown me that I can be wrong, I can be ignorant, and I can be foolish. But greater than that, they've generously shown me that it is all forgivable so long as I'm willing to listen and learn. That alone is a gift.

*also don't be like me. Take more photos with the people you meet. You will miss them.